New Job, New Direction?!

Can you take your working life in a new direction?

Yes!! Of course you can. You have feet and you can use them to take yourself in any direction you please. 👣 \

But to please yourself, it helps to know yourself. 💡

The desire for more fulfilling work must be the most frequently cited reason for my career coaching clients getting in touch. But the competing claims they face with regard to money and their hard-earned status are often what has kept them from taking any budding ideas seriously…

❗But I’ve been on this path my whole career! What else can I do?

❗The money is good. I’ll never find another job that pays as well.

❗I want a job that is more meaningful, but I don’t know what that looks like… Sound familiar?

There is no doubt about it, switching careers can be challenging. But it can be fascinating and exciting too. ✨

And if you have been stuck in a job that rarely brings out the best in you, then it’s likely that you have been feeling disengaged and unfulfilled for some time. The career change process can re-engage you with who you really are, provide hope and inspiration regarding your future, help you work out what contribution you really want to make in the world of service, and can get you activated and steering in the right direction. If you would like to discuss your thoughts regarding a potential career shift, then why not get in touch today for a free consultation? ☎️

It will be wonderful to hear from you and share with you how I might be able to help you with your career progression. (From Insurance to Life & Career Coaching! 🥰 Where will your feet take you? 👣)

With you for your happiness AND success, Sandie ⭐

April 12, 2023April 12, 2023

Slo-Mo your Day! Enjoy life even when you’re too busy

I glanced out of the kitchen window one morning to witness a magnificent Tawny owl swooping down and landing on our lawn. It gracefully stretched out its beautiful wings, ruffled its feathers and took flight, low, across the full length of our garden. It was a magical moment and it seemed to happen in slow motion; mere seconds felt like 5 minutes as I stood there in amazement watching it disappear into the horizon. It was a beautiful start to my day.

Have you noticed that when you’re in a rush, nothing seems to move fast enough? The person in front is walking too slowly; the queue is taking too long! Whereas, when we experience a moment of joy it has the reverse effect on our perception of time. How do you feel when holding a newborn baby, stroking a friendly dog, or taking in the fragrance of a beautiful rose? Time melts away.

Dr. Cassie Homes, a speaker at #WOHASU2023 & The World Happiness Summit which I attended recently, author of ‘Happier Hour’, shared with us a wealth of time-related research. It will come as no surprise that when we feel rushed, we are more likely to:-

– Delay going to the doctor/health visits
– Choose fast foods over healthier options
– And, it makes us less ‘nice’ people.

But if we invest what time we have wisely, on the things that matter most, even if it’s a short block of our time, we can reverse the impact: feel better, do better and be nicer. In my opinion, a small amount of time well spent can have a ‘slo-mo’ effect on your day and your time. You feel happier, more effective, more confident; better able to meet the challenges of the day. You feel good and all of a sudden – time feels less limited.

“When it comes to time for happiness, it’s not about quantity, and having more. It’s about quality – how we invest what we have”.

Q. What can you do today, with just 15 minutes of your time, that makes you feel most happy, cared for, or caring?

‘Happier Hour’ provides advice on how small changes can have an enormous impact. If this resonates, order your copy from the library today.

Or, call for a chat about how I can help you with your well-being goals. 💞

With you for your happiness AND success, Sandie ⭐

November 16, 2022November 16, 2022

The Heliotropic Effect in Your Life: Are you Leaning Towards the Light?

There is something not quite right about the orchid in the photo above. I believe it has been turned towards the camera to make for a better photo. I’ve had a similar orchid in my kitchen window for many years and it’s pretty petals will mostly all face towards the glass; heads tilted towards the strongest source of natural light – the sun, until I turn mine around to face the room, too.

This tendency to face towards a positive source of energy is known as the Heliotropic Effect. Heliotropic simply means, turning or growing towards the light. Every living system has a heliotropic tendency. As humans, it is natural for us to want to find the most beneficial conditions for our growth.

The relationship is a symbiotic experience of course. Just as the bees enjoy and thrive on warm nectar, in doing so they become pollinators and supports the ecosystem at large. And similarly, when a person is flourishing, they will often become a positive influence on those around them.

When things get dark, we will say ‘but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel’.
When things have been hard we will say ‘but I can see a silver-lining’
And when we are looking for answers, we ‘shine a light on the situation’.

Often, when clients come to me for coaching, it is because they are struggling to find the best way forward. I see it as an important part of my role to cultivate an encouraging professional relationship as a source of energy for my clients, to help as they explore new goals.

I always aim to provide a relaxing space where conditions are conducive for a high quality conversation that is important and worth having. And by focusing the light on what you want and need and by asking questions that deepen understanding and awareness of your strengths and potential to influence change, my aim is to help my clients move in a heliotropic fashion so you can flourish too.

Now think of your own life. Where is positive energy available to you? Does it come from your…

Environment?
Relationships?
Behaviours?
Capabilities?
Beliefs?
Identity?
Purpose?
Spirituality?

You will know, because thinking about it feels good!

And if ever you get stuck, on any level, perhaps consider some new (or old) ways to reconnect with activities that have a tendency to inspire you and open your mind. Positive energy might be reignited whilst being with certain friends, from a certain place or location, from a books or a piece of music. Simply put, if it lights you up, opens your mind and inspires you, it could also help you work out how to go and grow beyond your current sticking point.

May 27, 2022January 31, 2023

How to Use the Wheel of Life tool to Create Work-Life Balance.

The ‘Wheel of Life’ is a simple but useful coaching tool that I often use with my clients to help us visualise all the important areas of their life at once. We then allocate each area a score out of 10 in terms of how satisfied they are in each area. It allows us both to get a “bird’s eye” view of how balanced their life is at the present moment, where challenges are felt strongest, and where there is a desire for positive change. The wheel represents a wheel on a metaphoric bike and the idea is that we can determine how balanced we feel our life is.

How smooth and joyous is your ride?

Categories on the wheel generally include the following life areas but are unique to you, the individual.

Topics include:- Relationships, Family, Friends, Social Life, Home, Community, Work, Finances, Hobbies, Fun, Health, etc.

In addition to this wheel, which can provide us with a sense of direction as we determine how we will improve our scores, I am also paying considerable attention to what is going on with the second metaphoric ‘wheel on the bike’.

This wheel for me represents the source of energy that is required to propel the bike into motion in the direction that the client wishes to go. This wheel could be made up of the following categories:-

– Motivation
– Confidence
– Resilience
– Character Strengths
– Skills and Knowledge
– Adaptability
– Self Care / Well-being / Sleep
– Perseverance
– Communication Style
– Beliefs
– Encouragement – towards self and from others
– Positivity

When it comes to how we experience the inevitable up and downs of life, the ‘full human experience’, all of these factors will come into play. And when we have a high degree of self-awareness in terms of these areas, it can help us to put our best foot forward, get unstuck more easily and go on to harness our strengths and our potential as we get on the right track.

Why not grab yourself a pen and paper and create your own Wheel diagram, depending on whether you want to assess your Wheel of Life or your Wheel of Inner Development?

Let me know how you get on in the comments, it would be great to hear from you.

#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

May 18, 2022May 18, 2022

What can we Learn from Spilling the Milk?

Have you ever spilt the milk?

How did you react? With “argh, you-idiot!” or, did you take a moment to breathe, and remind yourself that everyone spills the milk sometimes?

Our ability to be respectful and kind to ourselves, even when faced with our own shortcomings, is a sign of self-compassion.

Therapist Dr Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as acting the same way toward yourself as you would a dear friend when they’re having a difficult time – healing ourselves with kindness. We replace our discouraging and blunt words with ones of gentle reassurance.

When we practice self-compassion in the event of minor mishaps, such as spilling the milk, we have an opportunity to practice self-compassion. Given that life can be highly challenging, being able to activate self-compassion could serve us well in the event of more stressful circumstances, such as illness, redundancy, divorce, etc.

How can we cultivate self-compassion?

Try to catch yourself when you put yourself down (self-flagellate). Stop yourself in the act and replace your blunt tone and words with soft words of kindness and encouragement.

Practice Common Humanity. That is, remember that we humans are connected not only by the joys in our lives but also by our common struggles and fears. Reach out. Sometimes you will need support, and sometime you will be the one to support others.

Mindfulness – letting our judgements roll by as we return to simply observing each present moment. We can practice mindfulness in a group setting, or in informal practice. You could spend a few minutes being mindful whilst you wash the dishes or eat dinner. Focus on your breath when you’re feeling upset or angry. Mindfulness allows us to self regulate and creates space where we can ’remember’ to be compassionate.

There is a popular coaching question – What would you do if you knew you could not fail? It’s a great question…. but is failure something to be avoided at all costs?

Maybe a better question might be… ‘What would you do if you trusted yourself to be only kind and proud of yourself, whatever the outcome?

#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

May 17, 2022May 27, 2022

Do you ‘Get To’, or have you ‘Got To’? How’s Your Mojo?

Chances are you probably have a medical first aid kit tucked away somewhere safe, filled with useful items for a minor medical emergency. And, how might it help you to also have a first aid box filled with items specifically chosen to support you when you are struggling to feel ok, emotionally?

For the past six years, I have found I am spending more time reflecting on my own well-being due to hormonal fluctuations around the time of my period, and perimenopause. It can feel unfair as I wave goodbye to my usually cheerful disposition as fatigue, low mood and a lesser ability to enjoy my normally satisfying life moves in.

At my worst, you’ll likely find me hiding in my bedroom behind a closed door, wishing I could hide until my stronger more resourceful self is back at the helm…

But, in the bedroom, under a chair, in clear sight and easily accessible, is a beautiful box: My ‘Emotional First Aid Kit’. I slide it out and lift the lid, knowing that the contents can provide me with comfort.

Creating an Emotional Wellbeing First Aid Kit.

This involves putting together a box of sensory items, memory aids and personal objects chosen to provide self-soothing care. Created when you are at your best, to help you when you are feeling emotionally weathered.

For example, in my box, I have:-

💖 A sizeable bunch of dried lavender – I love the smell and find it incredibly calming and relaxing.
💖 A pleasingly cold, smooth pebble with the word ‘Thank you’ inscribed on its surface. (A prompt to explore what thankful thoughts I might be able to access.)
💖 Positive feedback from appreciative clients, art from my children, photos.
💖 A notepad where I have written poetry during past low moods (I sometimes feel drawn to express my harder feelings creatively.)
💖 An empty glass – a cue to ‘go fill me up!’ and stay hydrated.
💖 A letter to myself – kind words of support and wisdom regarding the things I know help me, including friends to call and a support group I can connect with.

This is my box and it is personal to me. I’ll swap things in and out as my understanding of what helps, changes.

What would you put in your box?

#IveBeenThere
#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

May 13, 2022May 17, 2022

How to Create your own Emotional Wellbeing First Aid Kit.

At my worst, you’ll likely find me hiding in my bedroom behind a closed door, wishing I could hide until my stronger more resourceful self is back at the helm…

Creating an Emotional Wellbeing First Aid Kit.

For example, in my box, I have:-

This is my box and it is personal to me. I’ll swap things in and out as my understanding of what helps, changes.

What would you put in your box?

#IveBeenThere
#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

September 5, 2018May 17, 2022

Five Tips to Banish the Post Summer Blues

By Sandie Shaw

Summer is a season the majority of us Brits are always sad to bid farewell. It’s the warmth and the extra daylight that makes getting out in our stunning country such a joy. BBQ’s, garden parties, farmers markets, country shows, sunny beer gardens, trips to the beach and picnics by the river are just some of the delights we will have enjoyed over past months, and as autumn makes its presence known, it’s no surprise that some of us may start to feel fed-up.

The light fades, the temperatures dip, the green leaves fade and drop and our sandals disappear under a pile of waterproof shoes and muddy boots again till next year – Boooo.

But, with summer still fresh in our thoughts and the suns energy still lingering in our bodies and minds, lets turn our attention to keeping our spirits UP this Autumn. Lets shake off those seasonal blues, like a dog shakes off a summer shower.

My Five Tips for Beating the Post Summer Blues.

1. Don’t be too quick to put summer behind you. Slow the transition down by extending summer till you’re good and ready to say goodbye. Throw another BBQ, (so what if you have to take shelter under a gazebo!), there’s still plenty of summer food and drink available, still plenty of fresh mint for a Pimms and those outdoor lights and chimineas will look even more delightful against a darker evening sky.

2. Take time to reminisce about your summer antics, to feel grateful for the fun you’ve had with your friends or family and share your summer snaps with those involved. Photos are one of our greatest memory triggers; you’ll instantly recall those precious moments when the summers warmth wrapped around you and lifted your body and your mind. Add your summer snaps to your computer desktop, to the screen saver on your phone and get copies printed off to display around your home.

3. Start planning your next day-trip and some enjoyable things to do this autumn. Autumn is a such a beautiful time of year, all those stunning golden brown colours in the landscape; it’s a particularly great time for woodland and forest walks. So pack a flask and a brolly and go kick up some autumn leaves. Cinemas, Art Galleries, Spa’s, Museums, Heritage Centre’s, Country Houses, Concert Halls, Coffee Shops and Theatre’s are all welcoming, vibrant places to visit when the rain can pour down and it matters not a jot.

4. If your moods dips on a particularly dreary evening when you have nothing much to do, see if you can turn your thoughts outwards to those members of our community who might be more apprehensive about the darker evenings than you. Perhaps you know someone who finds it difficult to get out and about at the best of times? Maybe a reassuring chat over a cup of tea would really make their day. Most of us are now aware of the beneficial act of ‘giving something back’ and the positive effect it can have on both parties involved. Why not inquire at your local volunteer centre to see if there are any interesting projects happening locally which you could get involved with? Or, organise a coffee morning or a catch up with friends you haven’t seen in a while. Its possible that they’re feeling the post summer blues too, and would love to hear from you.

5. And finally, when you’re feeling low – take extra good care of yourself. Most people will experience feeling fed-up at some point at this time of year, and if you do, it’s particularly important to take good care of yourself. Eat well; plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and avoid skipping meals or opting for less energising comfort foods. Take time to exercise; yoga and pilate’s are great exercise when you don’t feel high energy, although some uplifting music and aerobic exercise might be just what you need. Get plenty of fresh air, sleep, rest and relaxation and if your mood still doesn’t improve, then please do seek out a friend or professional person to talk to about it, or speak to your GP.

Sandie x

Be grateful for your good moods and graceful with your low moods.~ unknown

Spread the word

June 1, 2018May 17, 2022

Handling Difficult Conversations

By Sandie Shaw

There are certain conversation that we all find difficult. Whether at work, at home or in a social context. At some time or another we will find ourselves preparing for a difficult conversation.

“I’m sorry, it’s just not working out”

“Can we talk about my salary?”

“I strongly disagree with what you’re saying.”

There are certain conversations that we all find difficult, whether at work, at home or in a social context. At some time or another we will find ourselves preparing for a difficult conversation.

At times like this your heart may start to beat faster and your palms may begin to feel clammy. It is easy to be distracted by these anxious feelings which in turn can hinder your ability to stay calm and communicate clearly what is on your mind. At worst you may lose control of what you are thinking and saying and may even lose sight of how your words are being received… the conversation can get ugly.

Lets begin my taking a look at how we might respond in such a situation. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Model provides a coaching theory I sometimes discuss with my client to help them consider how difficult situations may be affecting their communication and behaviour. The diagram below highlights four different types of behaviour in terms of warm and cold, dominant and submissive.

Can you identify with one particular style of behaviour more than another?

The ideal communication style is outlined in the top right. The characteristics of this are Warm and Dominant. ‘Warm’ meaning friendly, approachable, honest and empathetic. ‘Dominant’ meaning confident, strong, clear and focused.

If you find yourself leaning more towards cold behaviour; either aggressive or submissive, in preparation for, or during a difficult conversation, then it’s time to consider what to do to get yourself back into a more resourceful state. Taking a step back from the situation, even just for a second, will give you a chance to reflect. The desire to change your state will give way to changes in your body language, tonality and the words you use, and will have a positive effect on you and the person you are talking to. As outlined in the diagram above, communication that aims to be warm, assertive and flexible will often allow you to think clearly and respond effectively to most responses. Even if you don’t get exactly the outcome that you were hoping for, you will find yourself in a good position to negotiate and to propose a compromise that you can both be happy with. Maintaining rapport and trying to keep the communication warm, friendly and clear allows us to find creative ways to explore and meet our own needs and the needs of others.

Six ways to successfully manage a difficult conversations.

Be prepared. Spend adequate time considering what you want to achieve by having the conversation. Write down the key point you want to raise and list any further points in order of importance. What would your ideal outcome be for each point? If you would like their input with finding a solution, or if you have a proposal for a solution of your own, write them down next to each point. Picture yourself confidently and assertively raising the issues on your list and explaining your ideas for possible solutions.
Put yourself in their shoes. How would you receive this information? Anticipating their response will help you to consider carefully your language and your body language and be more prepared for their response, including the possibility of an emotional response.
Consider the most appropriate time and place for the conversation. Chose a time and place when you will both feel comfortable, will not be rushed for time and without the fear of being interrupted. If necessary, reassure the person you’re talking to that the conversation is confidential. Have a time frame in mind before you start talking. If it becomes clear that the conversation is going to take longer, don’t be tempted to rush things through or run over time. The last thing you both want is to feel exhausted by the conversation and late for your next appointment, or worse, to make a poor decisions. Agree to meet again to continue the conversation at another suitable time.
Indicate that you want a constructive conversation. Think about what your body language is saying; does it signal that you are approachable, non-threatening and ready to talk and listen? Don’t skirt around the issue – once you have thanked them for their time, stick to the preparation you did in advance of the conversation. Stay in control. If you find your tonality changing, either speeding up and getting louder (getting frustrated) or slowing and getting quieter (losing confidence), adjust your posture. Whether you are sitting or standing, change your physiology to be more relaxed or more assertively and your tone of voice and language will follow suit.
Avoid hightening emotions by using ‘I’ instead of ‘You’. When dealing with inappropriate behaviour, instead of pointing the finger of blame, which makes people want to defend themselves, start by explaining how the behaviour effected you. ‘I was very disappointed that you missed the appointment yesterday…’ instead of ‘You missed a very important meeting again.’
Stay focused on solutions and future goals. It is more fruitful to ask ‘How can we do better next time?’ then ‘Why did it go wrong?’. We can not change the past but we can explore and identify the best way to move forward for future success.

If you are working through some tough decisions or need advice on handling difficult conversations, why not get in touch for a free consultation. I can’t make the problem disappear but I can certainly help you to put your best foot forward. Call Sandie on 07985 284 914.

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

March 1, 2018May 17, 2022

Divergent Thinking for More Effective Problems Solving

By Sandie Shaw

Encouraging Creative Thinking

For More Effective Problem Solving.

How to encourage ‘divergent thinking’, a type of thinking that allows new ideas to materialise and creativity to flourish.

Are you struggling with a problem that is sapping your energy and leaving you feeling, well… *big sigh* a bit ‘Mehh’?
Take a moment to consider how you think about that problem and how you’ve been managing it so far:-

How does your problem make you feel? Give it a score out of ten: ’10’ being high, ‘0’ being low.
What level of personal energy do you bring to the problem, when you turn your attention to it?
On a scale of 1 – 10, how creative does your problem make you feel?

In my experience of working with people to help them find the way forward through and beyond their problems, I have noticed that people often get stuck in a pattern of thinking and behaviour which has proved to be ineffective, and often they will repeat the same pattern again and again with dwindling hope of getting a positive outcome. By the time people seek my help, their energy for the problem is on the floor and they will tell me that they are ‘stuck’.

Unfortunately, I don’t own a magic wand to wave over every problem (I wish I did!) but as a coach, I am good at unsticking people and helping to unblock their creative flow, so they can explore new potential solutions. Creativity is a plentiful renewable energy which is available to everyone. A creative person is experimental, playful, intuitive, fearless, adventurous, optimistic, limitless and resourceful, and we all have the potential to be a creative individual. After all, what cannot be explored and surpassed by an imaginative mind at play? However, play tends to decline when anxiety and worry set in…

When we think of creative people, we tend to think of musicians, artists and designers. However, creativity is also the gentlest and humblest of activities. We use it daily to make our lives run that little bit better, and frequently it goes unnoticed. It’s that quiet little voice that says, ‘If I take a left at the next junction, I’ll avoid the traffic and get there quicker.’ or ‘perhaps I can use todays left overs to make soup at the weekend’. And so, with lingering problems, when we feel like we’re just not making any progress, we would all benefit from some input from our creative mind, if only we can provide the right conditions to think creatively. Unfortunately, when we’re feeling stuck and frustrated, our creativity is often compromised.

What is creative thinking? We have many terms to describe the variety of recognised ‘thinking styles’. We have lateral thinking, vertical thinking, analytical, critical, strategic and solution focussed thinking, etc. And creative thinking takes it’s place amongst these styles. Creative thinking has come to be mostly characterised as the ‘lightbulb moment’, when ‘Aha!‘ an idea suddenly springs to mind. The greatest creative thinkers use a combination of all thinking styles and go several steps further, by actually taking ideas from thought to physical action, allowing them to take form and change reality.

How can we provide our minds with the conditions it needs to think creatively? I often use a simple conversational structure in my coaching sessions from which to explore the problem solving process. Within the framework of the conversation is often an opportunity to find respite from the problem which can bring renewed energy to the table without avoiding the problem or burying heads in sand. Here is how – I’ll use the GROW Model to demonstrate:-

GROW stands for ‘Goal’, ‘Reality’, ‘Options’, ‘Way forward’. Each stage required a good deal or research and reflection. Be realistic with a timeframe for how long you will spend in each stage; think about how long you would be with this problem if no solution was found and be generous with how long to give to this new problem solving process. Begin by defining the problem, challenge or goal. The ‘goal’ is the objective you want to reach. Write it down and draw pictures or doodles, using images and colours to express how you would prefer things to be. For ‘Reality’, take time to digest all the facts and information you have on the problem. Remember where you started with this concern and know your position, how things stand right now.

Next comes the ‘Options’ stage, and a chance to quieten the mind so it can be illuminated with fresh ideas. Allow yourself as much time as possible to relax into this stage. And, here comes the crucial bit, find activities which allow your mind to wander and be free from worry and analysis paralysis. Listening to music, meditating, walking, art, craft, gardening, swimming, mindfulness, etc. Any activity that feels good and does not require great levels of concentration will allow the creative side of your mind to open up. All of these restful activities, particularly practicing mindfulness, the non-reactive observation of your thoughts over time, are activities that encourage ‘divergent thinking’, a type of thinking that allows new ideas to materialise. Before and after each activity, ask gentle open questions of yourself with no demand for a response, such as: ‘If I had unlimited recourses and knew I couldn’t fail, what would I try?’ Or, ‘What have I seen others do, which might work for me?‘, ‘Who could help me?’, etc…

Since we don’t really know the exact moment when inspiration will strike, keep a small pocket notebook with you whenever possible. Write down any ideas, leads, curiosities and dreams as they appear to you. Give yourself permission to take time out and ‘do nothing’ (responsibly and within the timeframe and the safety of the framework) whilst new ideas are being generated. When you are ready, enter the final stage of the four-step process. The ‘Way Forward’. From your notebook of ideas, identify the most promising ones for further exploration and investigation, and take a step forward.

Give it a go, you might be surprised where this exercise takes you!

Best wishes,

Sandie