There is something not quite right about the orchid in the photo above. I believe it has been turned towards the camera to make for a better photo. I’ve had a similar orchid in my kitchen window for many years and it’s pretty petals will mostly all face towards the glass; heads tilted towards the strongest source of natural light – the sun, until I turn mine around to face the room, too.

This tendency to face towards a positive source of energy is known as the Heliotropic Effect. Heliotropic simply means, turning or growing towards the light. Every living system has a heliotropic tendency. As humans, it is natural for us to want to find the most beneficial conditions for our growth.

The relationship is a symbiotic experience of course. Just as the bees enjoy and thrive on warm nectar, in doing so they become pollinators and supports the ecosystem at large. And similarly, when a person is flourishing, they will often become a positive influence on those around them.

When things get dark, we will say ‘but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel’.
When things have been hard we will say ‘but I can see a silver-lining’
And when we are looking for answers, we ‘shine a light on the situation’. 

Often, when clients come to me for coaching, it is because they are struggling to find the best way forward. I see it as an important part of my role to cultivate an encouraging professional relationship  as a source of energy for my clients,  to help as they explore new goals.

I always aim to provide a relaxing space where conditions are conducive for a high quality conversation that is important and worth having. And by focusing the light on what you want and need and by asking questions that deepen understanding and awareness of your strengths and potential to influence change, my aim is to help my clients move in a heliotropic fashion so you can flourish too.

Now think of your own life. Where is positive energy available to you? Does it come from your…

Environment?
Relationships?
Behaviours?
Capabilities?
Beliefs?
Identity?
Purpose?
Spirituality?

You will know, because thinking about it feels good!

And if ever you get stuck, on any level, perhaps consider some new (or old) ways to reconnect with activities that have a tendency to inspire you and open your mind. Positive energy might be reignited whilst being with certain friends, from a certain place or location, from a  books or a piece of music. Simply put, if it lights you up, opens your mind and inspires you,  it could also help you work out how to go and grow beyond your current sticking point. 

The ‘Wheel of Life’ is a simple but useful coaching tool that I often use with my clients to help us visualise all the important areas of their life at once. We then allocate each area a score out of 10 in terms of how satisfied they are in each area. It allows us both to get a “bird’s eye” view of how balanced their life is at the present moment, where challenges are felt strongest, and where there is a desire for positive change. The wheel represents a wheel on a metaphoric bike and the idea is that we can determine how balanced we feel our life is.

How smooth and joyous is your ride?

Categories on the wheel generally include the following life areas but are unique to you, the individual.

Topics include:- Relationships, Family, Friends, Social Life, Home, Community, Work, Finances, Hobbies, Fun, Health, etc.

In addition to this wheel, which can provide us with a sense of direction as we determine how we will improve our scores, I am also paying considerable attention to what is going on with the second metaphoric ‘wheel on the bike’.

This wheel for me represents the source of energy that is required to propel the bike into motion in the direction that the client wishes to go. This wheel could be made up of the following categories:-

– Motivation
– Confidence
– Resilience
– Character Strengths
– Skills and Knowledge
– Adaptability
– Self Care / Well-being / Sleep
– Perseverance
– Communication Style
– Beliefs
– Encouragement – towards self and from others
– Positivity

When it comes to how we experience the inevitable up and downs of life, the ‘full human experience’, all of these factors will come into play. And when we have a high degree of self-awareness in terms of these areas, it can help us to put our best foot forward, get unstuck more easily and go on to harness our strengths and our potential as we get on the right track.

Why not grab yourself a pen and paper and create your own Wheel diagram, depending on whether you want to assess your Wheel of Life or your Wheel of Inner Development?

Let me know how you get on in the comments, it would be great to hear from you.

#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

Have you ever spilt the milk? 

How did you react? With “argh, you-idiot!” or, did you take a moment to breathe, and remind yourself that everyone spills the milk sometimes?  

Our ability to be respectful and kind to ourselves, even when faced with our own shortcomings, is a sign of self-compassion. 

Therapist Dr Kristin Neff describes self-compassion as acting the same way toward yourself as you would a dear friend when they’re having a difficult time – healing ourselves with kindness.  We replace our discouraging and blunt words with ones of gentle reassurance. 

When we practice self-compassion in the event of minor mishaps, such as spilling the milk, we have an opportunity to practice self-compassion. Given that life can be highly challenging, being able to activate self-compassion could serve us well in the event of more stressful circumstances, such as illness, redundancy, divorce, etc. 

How can we cultivate self-compassion?

Try to catch yourself when you put yourself down (self-flagellate). Stop yourself in the act and replace your blunt tone and words with soft words of kindness and encouragement.  

Practice Common Humanity. That is, remember that we humans are connected not only by the joys in our lives but also by our common struggles and fears. Reach out. Sometimes you will need support, and sometime you will be the one to support others. 

Mindfulness – letting our judgements roll by as we return to simply observing each present moment. We can practice mindfulness in a group setting, or in informal practice. You could spend a few minutes being mindful whilst you wash the dishes or eat dinner. Focus on your breath when you’re feeling upset or angry. Mindfulness allows us to self regulate and creates space where we can ’remember’ to be compassionate.

There is a popular coaching question – What would you do if you knew you could not fail?  It’s a great question…. but is failure something to be avoided at all costs? 

Maybe a better question might be… ‘What would you do if you trusted yourself to be only kind and proud of yourself, whatever the outcome?

#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach

Psychologist Albert Bandura defined self-efficacy as a “person’s particular set of beliefs that determine how well one can execute a plan of action” (Bandura, 1977). Self-efficacy is our ‘beliefs’ in relation to our capability to achieve successful task-specific outcomes.

Our self-efficacy plays an important role when it comes to how we approach our goals.

People with low self-efficacy:-

– Avoid difficult tasks
– Don’t trust their skills and capabilities
– Fear failure
– Quickly lose confidence in their ability
– Experience low motivation
– Develop a fixed mindset (Don’t believe things can change.)

People with high self-efficacy:-

💫 Foster curiosity and interest in their own personal development
💫 Are willing to explore new ideas and try new things
💫 Enjoy the opportunity to learn new skills, develop their strengths and learn from others
💫 View failure as feedback
💫 Recover well from disappointments
💫 Feel positive and motivated
💫 Have a growth mindset (Nothing is set in stone; with effort, things can change.)

How can we develop our levels of self-efficacy?

Bandura identified four major sources:-

1. Mastering Experience – Developing our skills in pursuit of our goals.

2. Social Modelling – Learning from observing others’ efforts and successes.

3. Social Persuasion – Being exposed to positive encouragement and feedback from others.

4. Psychological Responses – our ability to influence our moods and emotional states, such as reducing stress and increasing positivity.

❔How could you incorporate Bandura’s self-efficacy theory into your own ability to achieve your goals?

Here are a few ideas to add to your own.:-

1. Keep a learning log to monitor your progress. Celebrate major and minor wins!

2. Look for role models – Blogs, support groups, autobiographies, people you know – success leaves clues.

3. Spend time with people who provide positive encouragement

4. Look after your wellbeing – rest, relax, and create space to re-energise and regulate your emotions.

💥 And always remember, your WORTH is never a reflection of your achievements. YOU matter most, our goals are just things we do.❤️

With you, for your wellbeing, positivity and personal success.

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coaching

Chances are you probably have a medical first aid kit tucked away somewhere safe, filled with useful items for a minor medical emergency. And, how might it help you to also have a first aid box filled with items specifically chosen to support you when you are struggling to feel ok, emotionally?

For the past six years, I have found I am spending more time reflecting on my own well-being due to hormonal fluctuations around the time of my period, and perimenopause. It can feel unfair as I wave goodbye to my usually cheerful disposition as fatigue, low mood and a lesser ability to enjoy my normally satisfying life, moves in.

At my worst, you’ll likely find me hiding in my bedroom behind a closed door, wishing I could hide until my stronger more resourceful self is back at the helm…

But, in the bedroom, under a chair, in clear sight and easily accessible, is a beautiful box: My ‘Emotional First Aid Kit’. I slide it out and lift the lid, knowing that the contents can provide me with comfort.

Creating an Emotional Wellbeing First Aid Kit.

This involves putting together a box of sensory items, memory aids and personal objects chosen to provide self-soothing care. Created when you are at your best, to help you when you are feeling emotionally weathered.

For example, in my box, I have:-

💖 A sizeable bunch of dried lavender – I love the smell and find it incredibly calming and relaxing.
💖 A pleasingly cold, smooth pebble with the word ‘Thank you’ inscribed on its surface. (A prompt to explore what thankful thoughts I might be able to access.)
💖 Positive feedback from appreciative clients, art from my children, photos.
💖 A notepad where I have written poetry during past low moods (I sometimes feel drawn to express my harder feelings creatively.)
💖 An empty glass – a cue to ‘go fill me up!’ and stay hydrated.
💖 A letter to myself – kind words of support and wisdom regarding the things I know help me, including friends to call and a support group I can connect with.

This is my box and it is personal to me. I’ll swap things in and out as my understanding of what helps, changes.

What would you put in your box?

#IveBeenThere
#lifecoaching

Best wishes,

Sandie,
High Peak Life Coach